It is very hard for me to believe that my middle son Ben just turned 11. To celebrate this stupendous occasion we had a birthday party for him. I don’t know about you, but I HATE to throw parties. I truly do! I get crabby. I get anxious. I get bossy. Because of my intense hatred of throwing parties I always wait to the last minute to do any planning. There is just something soooo…unnerving about throwing a party that makes me zealously avoid having them. But one must make exceptions for one’s children, mustn’t one!?!
As I think about it, I begin to wonder why I get so rattled over throwing a birthday party. It’s not unlike decorating a room for a client. (Pretty sure I can do that.) So why does throwing a party give me so much anxiety?
In reality the party is all about the guest of honor. I completely understand that. For some reason though, when I give a party, I feel as if I am under a microscope and it makes me want to cower in a corner. So if I can decorate a room for a client, why does throwing a party freak me out so? When I decorate a room, my gifts and talents that God gave me, are most definitely under scrutiny. My clients inspect my work, and yes, there a few times that I have not tapped into the correct look for them. (Impossible to believe, I know. But it’s true!) This, however, does not give me any apprehension.
QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS AND MORE QUESTIONS…
So what makes this party giving thing so nerve racking for me? How can I be more anxious with family and friends, who already know and love me, than with my clients?? Could it be that I am fearful that my family and friends don’t really know me? Maybe I’m afraid they still view me as the quirky, flighty girl I once was. The girl that dreaded making any decisions because I might chose incorrectly. Do they see how much I’ve changed and have grown in the past few years?
After much deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that my party throwing anxieties stem from worrying about how people view me. I think that when I give a party, I make myself crazy, because I want everything to be absolutely perfect, so everyone will see me for who I am now. The logical, smart, all together me. I no longer want to be seen as indecisive and flighty. As I try to make everything perfect, however, I become more anxious and make bad decisions and mistakes. Thus making me look indecisive and flighty! No wonder I hate to have parties!!
But, do people really view me as indecisive and flighty, or am I listening to the lies in my head from the enemy? Hmmmm…I think there is something there!!
LIES, LIES, AND MORE LIES…
What lies do you listen to? What negative thoughts pop into your head that really aren’t true? Maybe, like me, you were a certain way once, but you have changed and you fear that everyone is still viewing you as fill in the blank .
Suddenly giving my next party doesn’t seem so scary. I know I have grown. I also know that if I stop listening to the lies in my head, and start listening and believing to what I KNOW to be true about myself, I will not fall victim to what the enemy is telling me!!